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Posts Tagged ‘the world’

The Unfufilled Woman

Posted by justanotherstayathomemom on October 23, 2008

Read this (you will have to scroll down to read what anna wrote)


U.S. suicide rates appear to be on the rise, driven mostly by middle-aged white women, researchers reported on Tuesday.They found a disturbing increase in suicides between 1999 and 2005 and said the pattern had changed in an unmistakable way — although the reasons behind the change are not clear.  “The biggest increase that we have seen between 1999 and 2005 was the increase in poisoning suicide in women — that went up by 57 percent,” said Susan Baker, a professor in injury prevention with a special expertise in suicide. 

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States and Baker said the changes are substantial.  “Definitely these are not just little blips,” she said in a telephone interview. “We are looking at a big population change.”  She hopes other researchers will study the reasons behind the shifts. “I certainly think we need research to look at the information that we have on people who have committed suicide,” she said.

HMMMMM…this has my engines turning.  She’s right, ya know…we are expected to “do it all” according to the media, that is.  Have you watched soaps lately?  They are absolutely ridiculous..I myself havn’t watched one in awhile (oh, and by the way, Gray’s Anatomy, Nip/Tuck, Lipstick Jungle are soaps as well). 

Anna goes over many points about why women might be commiting suicide more.  I have some theories as well.  We are certainly expected to do more, but not in the way you might think…Yaya, housework and kids and stuff, but what about birthday cards?  and brownies for the church sale and having gorgeous skin and hair?  I, for one, and tired beyond tired of trying to fit into someone else’s mold.  I look at the mags at the store and shake my head because we are enamored with an illusion of what we are supposed to be. 

Case in point?  Angelina Jolie is on the cover of several mags in a tight fitting dress showing off her body after having twins 11 weeks ago.   What does this say to the average woman, me for example, who takes longer than 3 months to loose baby weight?  What about all those women who never do loose their baby weight?  We look at this and think we are supposed to be/do this, and we are NOT supposed to be/do this!  Any normal human will take 6 monts to a year to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.  I just now reached it and my baby is 6.5 months old…and things are NOT where they used to be, but who cares???  Will society judge me on my flabby belly?  You betcha! Do I care?  Not really.

Another thing is most women I come into contact with are working outside the home.  I am a total sexist when it comes to this…women should NOT work outside the home (or be cops, or in the army for that matter).  Mommies are supposed to be home when kids get off the bus, they are supposed the be at the soccer games, they are supposed to be their to kiss boo-boos on scuffed knees.  I am totally guilty of going to work, temporarily as it were,  when my newt was 18 months old.  Biggest mistake of my life.  Not only did we NOT get ahead financially, my poor guy got an ear infection so bad he had to have two surgeries and was hospitalized for 8 days!  I blame daycare for sure.  He also got mono, colds, and lots of fevers from so many dang germs floating around.  The kikker is that all the medical bills we had to pay afterward…it took us a year to pay them all off!  Take the cost of daycare out, med bills, many days off for sick leave, and  the money I made was not worth it.  The biggest cost is that I missed out on 1 1/2 years of my sons’ life cause I was only his parent for 2 full days a week. (shakes head) I thought I had to….should have just cut the cable, phone, and started eating beans and we might have made out alright.  Growing up, my mom worked so that is what I knew…now I know better!

We really have no one to show us how to be better moms and wives.  Women are crazy when it comes to “having it all”.  When I worked at a medical spa doing hair, they all had artificial nails, worked out at a gym (nothing wrong with that), their kids were in school or daycare, they went out for lunch, had their hair done every 4-6 weeks, pedicures….the list goes on.  They are spending and shopping and what are they doing that they can be proud of??  I mean besides being able to fit into a size whatever.   Many years ago, mothers were mothers and taught their daughters how to cook, clean, sew and run a house.  My mom taught me none of these things.  I remember her showing me how to make gravy once, and rice krispy treats, but teach me about cooking??  nope.  Her version of house keeping was to do a once a month cleaning.  I am now having to learn on my own how to really run a house and balance a budget (which i am NOT good at but still trying!)  My grandma taught me how to sew a little bit…some clothes for my doll.  We don’t value those old type skills anymore, y’know?

Another reason why women are killing themselves?  I think it has to do with ageism.  Older men don’t want older women, do they?  Older men want YOUNGER women, older women just want to be loved and treated with respect.  Case in point, my ex co-worker is older, 48, and she has never been married and has no kids.  She dates, but the man she really likes goes for someone else.  Why? she owns her own home, has a 401k, a good job, pays her own way…she is a threat to his manhood?  No, she’s not 25.  I think we, as a society, have gotten to where we don’t appreciate age anymore…look at Cher.  She doesn’t even look right anymore!  To much surgery to look youthful.  She just looks scary.  No one should look like that at the age of 60 something.  

Ahhhhh, my soapbox is getting a workout today.

A long time ago, we had families that ate dinner together every night.  We had kids who could entertain themselves with a ball and a stick for hours.  We had homes that were nice, but not showcases where you couldn’t relax.  A very long time ago, we lived on farms and actually knew where our food came from!  Lots of kids and lots of hard work.  Is society better because of our advances?  Some of our advances are fabulous, like penicillin and aspirin and electricity.  Some are downright terrible, like advertising and media influence. 

So, how do I become more fufilled as a woman?  Well, cook from scratch…there is something about kneading bread and watching it rise and then baking it that is just about the coolest thing ever.  I am making diapers from scratch.  I am taking walks with my kids around the neighborhood and enjoying the fresh air…we may even do a picnic next week at the park.  I am turning off the tv during the day and just hanging out with the kids while my silly 3 yr old shows me “his new trick”.  I am NOT going to look to the media to show me how I should look or dress or smell (or at least i will try my damdest not to). 

Try it with me…set yourself apart from the world, if only a little…

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-3

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